did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
wanna go halves on a baby?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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