Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
