my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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