Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
