I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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