Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
