I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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