So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
