Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
