You can't special order awesome
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Randomize
