Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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