at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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