there's paper in my vomit.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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