I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
