actually, I'm a sock model
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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