why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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