Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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