he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
