I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
