My hand turned me down
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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