Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
