They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
