its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
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I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
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The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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