Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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