hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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