May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
