the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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