I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
