8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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