im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
