Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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