So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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