I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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