who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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