I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
