so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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