I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
