ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
