Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
