All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
