I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
