on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
