I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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