I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
