You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
