im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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