We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
