next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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