...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
