Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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