How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
