we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Found your dick twin last night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
