did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
