the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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