Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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