Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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