Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
