It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
