I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
