I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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