don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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