If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
