ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
