obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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