My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
