he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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