I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think your dad took our porno
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
