I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
