hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
