the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
