He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
