I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
