Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
