i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
