week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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