I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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