So drunk its hurt
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
