no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
