I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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