So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
