So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
