Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
