k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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