I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
